After getting out of class today I met my mother for lunch and decided it would be a perfect opportunity for me to discuss gender with her and get a mothers perspective. I told her we were discussing gender roles and common stereotypes or misconceptions about genders (such as the male cheerleader). It was a great opportunity to open up dialogue on something we never would have discussed before this class.
She told me that the day after the doctors told her and my father that they were having a baby girl they wasted no time planning the decorations for my bedroom. I grew up in a pink and white ballerina room (even though I've never danced in my life nor have I been interested in ballet). My mother tried pushing dance lessons on me and other girly things but I grew up as more of a "tomboy". I have a brother that is four years older than me and I would mimic everything he did. I loved football, wearing more masculine clothes and even got into wrestling. Looking back it might have even been a rebellion against what my mother and grandmother wanted me to be.
Eventually I grew out of my "tomboy" phase and started noticing boys therefore wearing more makeup and dressing more feminine. I found it interesting in the Gender: In Pink and Blue and Vivid Color article it talks about young girls becoming young women and how it involves meeting a demand from a culture that both idealizes and exploits the sexuality of young women. Maybe I was just trying to fit the mold of what I thought guys wanted. I remember watching Clueless over and over again with my best friend and wishing I could have everything that Cher and Dionne had (looks, clothes, guys falling at my feet, etc..).
My mom told me today at lunch my grandma was afraid I wouldn't grow out of my "tomboy" phase. I asked my mother what she was afraid of and she couldn't answer. I came to the conclusion that maybe my grandmother was afraid I would become a lesbian if I didn't do what other girls did. Maybe this is extreme and not what my grandma meant at all but it would make sense. I eventually did begin identifying more with my friends that were girls than with my brother but maybe its because that's what was expected of me. My fiance and I aren't planning to have kids anytime soon but I would love and support whatever they chose to do growing up. I hope that I will be a big enough person to not be afraid of them going against the norm for their gender.
What could you do now that would make you open and comfortable with any choices your children make?
ReplyDeleteYou know, it's movies like Clueless that help exploit women. After reading your thoughts, I asked myself the questions we were asked in class, who is responsible for the objectified woman? And now, I would have to say the media makes the biggest contribution. If it wasn't for women playing these sorts of roles, that end up in desirable endings...the girl gets the boy...then women wouldn't feel the need to be passive about their image, whether it be video girls or playboy models. If it wasn't for the media showing that a woman- half naked, shaking her body parts, lots of makeup, and stilettos- could more than likely get the guy she thinks is attractive, over the woman who wears fitted jeans, a t-shirt and tennis shoes, then maybe women would have a different attitude about how they are marketed. In movies where the woman stands against being objectified, the endings are usually happy, but not what the character wanted. And to relate it to your story, I'm guessing you saw the movie and saw the reaction their appearance triggered, so you copy in hopes of the same results. Who doesn't want to be viewed as attractive, right? Which goes back to how we were raised, another factor for the objectivity of women. Just like you, I was a 'tomboy', heavily in to sports and baggy clothes because I didn't want everyone to see how small I really was, everything I did had to be lady like. Parents say we are supposed to be cute and sweet. And, before you know it, that changes from cute and sweet to beautiful and sexy. And in your case, in my opinion, although they didn't come right out and say it, they gave you subtle hints to get you on the 'feminine' track, to ease their insecurities about your sexuality, which is a whole other topic. And those subtle hints, like buying the short skirt and makeup (my 16th birthday gift from my mom), tend to carry over as what we begin to see as attractive, while it is reinforced to us through media, with movies like Clueless, and even some of the old James Bond movies.
ReplyDeleteAhhh... the media
ReplyDeleteObjectification of woman is a big, largely ignored issue in today’s society, and yes, as you have stated, the media play a large role in this issue. Young men today have a real problem today. With larger and larger numbers of young men growing up in single family homes, usually with their mother as the single parent, they fail to learn, from the beginning how relationships between men and women are suppose to work. In their lives, with no real male role models to show them, they get their information from popular media. And even when young men do have a male role-model to demonstrate, the influence of popular media has a great effect. To be a “Man” these days, according to popular media, usually means you are sexually active, with more than one partner. Popular media doesn’t teach men about respecting the woman they are intimate with, it focuses solely on the conquest alone. Grey’s Anatomy is a great example of this. The character Slone has slept with at least 4 or 5 different female characters since he has been on the show, and there are no consequences for this. No workplace, career ending, nuclear explosions, that I have witnessed in real life. Instead, his pals on the show reveal in his exploits, and I am sad to report from the guy’s locker room that the same is true in real life, even with the nuclear explosions.
ReplyDeleteTime magazine had an interesting cover shot last fall, two pictures of the same 14-year-old girl side by side; one with no makeup, in t-shirt and jeans, and the other with hair done, make-up, and evening gown. The title of the article was something like “Growing up too fast, the mixed messages we send our girls”. I have to say I was initially shocked to find out that the woman in the gown was the same girl in the jeans. That picture alone proved to me that we have a problem with what media is telling young women today as well.